‘You're no good for me’

The twelfth one

📓Summer Reading Part 3: Philosophy and Evolution

I read a quote a few days ago about not doing things you don't enjoy, and it gave me the courage to not finish my summer reading series on the origins of generosity, and be okay with it. As I was drafting part 3, I found myself dreading it, like it was a term paper or a dull assignment from a boss. If you were looking forward to parts 3 and 4 (let me know!) perhaps I'll finish them later this year.

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Hi, hey, hello–I’m not enjoying (the?) summer

There I said it.

A few days ago I found myself ranting about all the reasons why I hate summer to my coworkers, my new coworkers at that. Then I thought maybe I should write about this just to get it out of my system so I wouldn’t become known solely as the girl who hates summer. And because I'm hoping to find my tribe—surely, I can't be the only one, right? Actually I know I’m not—check out this piece I stumbled upon by

Nadia Meli

about her petition to not make the most of summer.

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Six things I hate about summer, seven that are detestable to me.

that hideous AC in my window

the draining sun

figuring out what in the world to wear

a boring holiday season

a fickle vibe

the pressure to do something fun

and these bugs, man

(How much is) that AC in the window? I'll skip the obvious complaints about the heat because, well, it's summer, and we all know it gets hotter. But because of this temperature increase, I have to put this giant, clunky box in my window. Sure, it makes things cooler and a bit more comfy, but it’s far from aesthetically pleasing. This might be a New York-specific issue—I certainly didn’t deal with it in Los Angeles (shoutout to Central Air!)—but every summer, we haul out these bulky AC units that take up so much space in our closets and install them in the windows. If you live in an old apartment building, you know the drill. What I really hate is how it ruins my apartment's aesthetic and prevents me from opening my windows. I'm the kind of girl who loves to wake up early, open all the windows, and enjoy my coffee. Another thing it ruins is watching TV. Our living room is so small that the AC noise fills the room, making it almost impossible to hear the TV. We either have to blast the volume all the way up or turn the AC off, which is terrible because then we’re all sweaty.

If you're not familiar with these box ACs (lucky you!), when you "install" one, you have to put these little cushion things on the side to keep it from falling out. But they don’t seal the window completely, leaving little holes or gaps where insects can easily get in. Last summer, there was a wasps nest near our window, and the wasps got in! We’d get about 3-4 in the house each day. At first, I wondered how they were getting in, then I realized it was that dang AC! It was especially bad because my 1-year-old daughter and our nanny were in the house with me, so I had to be the brave one and shoo them away.

Having that hideous AC in our window and it ruining our aesthetic, making it hard to hear the TV, and allowing insects to get in, are all minor inconveniences compared to my biggest issue: PIGEONS! If you know me, you know I hate—no, loathe—pigeons. And they know it! Call me crazy (my husband surely does), but I truly believe pigeons know who I am and have a plot to ruin my life. They act differently around me, that's all I’m going to say. Almost every day, these pigeons perch on my AC and make those awful noises ALL MORNING! And there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m too scared to interact with them (and they know it!), so I just endure it and pray they move on. Usually, it’s one pigeon, but the other day there were three sitting on the AC, and I know they were talking about me. Anyway, whatever. ACs in the windows are the worst. Thank you, summer.

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summertime sunshine: The sun is the ultimate energy vampire (sorry, Colin Robinson!). It gives energy, but it also takes it away. Don’t get me wrong, waking up to the sun shining is such a great and rejuvenating feeling. But the sun's power can also be so draining. I love the way

Nadia Meli

describes summer sunshine:

But summer sunshine?
P L E A S E.
Hot, glaring, burning-in-your face, impossibly bright light that makes everything harder and slower. That heat that is insufferable, that everyone moans about and tries to hide from.
People always telling me I should love the heat because I am Sicilian (and a Leo!). Let me tell you something:
People in hot countries don’t even like heat.
That’s why siesta was invented. Everything shuts down til 6 pm. And life re-emerges after the sun has stopped being annoying.
There is a reason why life stops in the heat. Why shops close and blinds are down to keep the house cool.
Because nobody can cope, ok?

Being out in the sun all day, commuting, running errands, chasing a toddler around, and hanging out with friends leaves me exhausted. By the time I get home and pick up Moon from daycare, I am completely depleted. It's hard to muster up the energy for my second shift (being a mom and wife and stuff) during the summer, and obviously, taking a nap when I get home not only eats into my time but also into my husband's time. Shoutout to him for always being so gracious and allowing little ol' me to sleep even though he too is tired (probably even more as he works outside all day). He's such a giver. God bless him.

As soon as I wake up from my nap, the night is pretty much over. Then, because I nap, my sleep is totally disrupted. I find myself up until about 1 a.m. most nights, and when I finally doze off, my alarm (aka my daughter) wakes me up to do it all over again the next day.

Now here’s something funny, the sun has an opposite effect on my daughter, it fuels her! Have you ever put a toddler to bed? It’s tough. Now, have you ever tried putting a toddler to bed when it’s as bright outside as it is at high noon? That’s a whole new challenge. We were lucky because Moon is such a good sleeper—she has been since we brought her home from the hospital. Sure, we've had some bumps in the road, but overall, she's always been great at sleeping. But in the summer, when the sun seems to be at its highest peak at 8 PM, all those good sleeping habits are out the window! Should I blame summer or the time change? To me, they’re one and the same.

She’s much more active in the summer with all the activities at daycare and being outside running around so much that we thought she’d be depleted by bedtime (like I am!) and sleep through the night. Nope! The sun energizes her. For whatever reason, this season disrupts her sleep like no other, and I just can’t wait until it’s over.

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“But what would I wear?” says the Grinch as he considers showing up to Whoville. First, I must say that I'm no fashionista. In fact, I cannot put a cute outfit together to save my life (it’s easier to get away with this in the fall and winter). What am I supposed to wear? Shorts and a T-shirt, then put on a sweater because it’s -5,000 degrees in the office. Do I dress for the office or for outside? And the weekends are even worse. Do I risk getting attacked by mosquitoes with my legs and arms out, or sweat to death in long sleeves? I got two mosquito bites the other day while wearing jeans! There's just nothing you can do. Shoutout to the girlies who still look cute in the summer—I don't know how y'all do it.

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'Tis the season to be jolly—until the end of time. Summer holidays are rather sparse; in fact, there are really only two: Juneteenth and Independence Day. It’s no surprise, but I don’t enjoy the 4th of July. It's too loud, and fireworks seem to start in June and sometimes don’t stop until August in certain boroughs (looking at you, The Bronx!). When I was younger, I used to count down to summer, partly because it marked the end of school and partly because it included my birthday. I still look forward to my birthday every year, but as I get older, I wish I could move it to October. Maybe, if not literally, I could skip the June celebration and hold it on October 23. Summer’s only saving grace is that every four years we get to enjoy the summer Olympics, so there’s that. Go team USA! BTW if you want to get pumped for the Olympics (at least for track and field) check out Sprint on Netflix, it’s amazing!

Beyond the actual holidays, I understand that summer is like a holiday in itself. School's out, the sun's shining, the days are longer, and there are plenty of outdoor activities, camping trips, and pool parties to enjoy. That probably makes up for the lack of official holidays, right? But here's the thing: there's this unapologetic pressure to seize the summer and make the most of it.

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make the most of summer? no thanks. Summer calls for adventure and especially living on the East Coast and prevailing through the winter, it’s expected that you seize the summer and take advantage of the great outdoors.

And I get it. I remember in my twenties, I could always be found on someone's rooftop. That’s the culture in the city. While in Los Angeles people tend to go out in the summer, in New York, people go up.  In fact, when I first moved here, a coworker had a little get-together on his rooftop in Brooklyn. I thought it was so cool and realized at that moment that I could actually make a life here.

But now? You can catch me inside. I think this has more to do with the fact that I’m older, to be honest. I really don’t want to deal with the hustle and bustle of the city when it’s 100 degrees outside, so I try my hardest to avoid crowded places. I love little local spots, like my neighborhood park, bookstore, or the diner within walking distance that has a cute patio for outdoor dining. Beyond that, I never really have summer plans and I no longer feel the pressure to have some fun summer adventure planned or optimize my summer weekends. I’m completely secure in responding to "What did you do this weekend?" with "Just chilled at home."

Here’s what

Nadia Meli

said that I very much agree with:

So I am advocating for those among us who live to the beat of their own rhythm throughout every season. Who don’t have plans every weekend and don’t squeeze in five trips in three months, who spend Friday nights painting in their garden and cooking dinners with friends. Who still do the same things they do in spring, autumn and winter. Who keep the same rhythm and don’t speed life up just because it’s sunny outside. The ones who don’t get busier just because the temperatures are rising. Those among us who just continue living the life they love no matter the season.

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no vibes, just rays. I recently had a deep conversation with my husband about how I find the summer vibe off. He loves summer, being from Trinidad, where warm weather and porch-lounging (or "liming") are in his blood. We discussed each month, and I argued that June, July, and August are the worst months (another reason I want to move my birthday to October!).

Let’s start with January.

Yes, it’s long, cold, and dark (depending on where you live), but it brings with it the excitement of a whole new year and the potential for a whole new you. February, though short, flies by quickly and is packed with events like the Super Bowl for football fans, Valentine’s Day, and Black History Month—it's a cute little month. March through May is the chef’s kiss! It’s like the better version of summer. We’ve endured cold and dark winter months and then spring comes along and smiles on us with pleasant breezes and gentle sunshine, creating a peaceful atmosphere. Then June, July, August—ugh skip. September is like another start of the year. Summer’s over, kids are back in school, we start to take our jobs seriously again, and football is back! And then we enter the peak time of the year: October, November, and December.

October is such a beautiful month. Once I become a better, more descriptive writer, I’ll have to write a column that’s all about October and why I love it so much. Then comes November, or Gratitude Month—peak fall. It starts to feel like the holidays, the weather gets cooler, the leaves reach their peak color change, and we have Thanksgiving Day with its parade and pie! It's also a tradition in my house to watch A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving and eat pumpkin pie with whipped cream (though we've only done it once, just my daughter and me, since my husband inexplicably hates pie). In November and into December, people seem a bit nicer, more grateful, and more generous. What is it about the holiday season that makes us better, kinder people? And then, the grand finale: December. December is special not only because it’s the most wonderful time of the year but also because it brings the year to a close. It’s a great time to reflect on what matters most. You typically surround yourself with family and friends—the people who mean the most to you. Plus, at work, people usually start to slack off by the second or third week of December, and you often hear the most amazing phrase you’ll look forward to all year: ‘Let’s circle back at the top of the year.’

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bug-a-boo. bug-a-boo. Oh how I hate bugs. I don't understand why they exist. Okay, I don’t hate all bugs (actually, I do), but I’m specifically calling out mosquitoes. All the bugs and creepy crawlies come out during the summer—bugs I’ve never seen before and never wanted to see. And what makes it worse and that for some reason, I’m the only one in my family who gets bitten! It's like a horror movie with a new cast of insects every summer. If they stay outside in their environment, that's one thing, but when they enter my house, it really…bugs me. I hate seeing bugs crawling on my walls or jumping off something; it’s so gross. And I hate that it grosses me out. My husband always reminds me how much bigger I am than bugs, but that doesn’t make any difference whatsoever. They freak me out, and I don’t want them around, ever.

Summer is practically a bug parade, with every type of creepy crawly creature making its grand entrance. Just when I think I've seen it all, another bizarre insect shows up to ruin my day. I don’t really care for winter, but I prefer it over summer because at least then all the bugs and things die!

On a positive note, here’s a short story about the most fun I’ve had this summer.

I sat at the far side of the field, pretending to stretch while trying to belong in the shade. The wind guided my eyes up to the sky, and I watched as the clouds denied the sun.

I imagined how amazing it would be to see angels among the clouds, just a few. But fear revealed itself in me, and I prayed I wouldn’t see any. Suddenly, a larger, darker cloud appeared, and I felt a strange longing. I wanted it to rain. I wanted it to rain.

And so it rained. And oh, how it rained! And we played in the rain.

“Hike!” he yelled, and I ran! I felt like a child, splashing in the rain, laughing, screaming, playing in the rain. I looked around at all the faces watching us, wishing someone would film this magical moment so I could revisit it whenever I felt languishing. I didn’t catch the ball—too slippery. But who cares, we were playing in the rain.

And then it poured! And oh, how it poured! So we played while it poured.

Soaked, drenched, I ran! I threw my glasses to the side—I hate when my glasses get wet. I hoped they wouldn’t get stepped on but didn’t linger on the thought for too long because who cares, we were playing in the rain.

We ran off the field and into the car.

And then it teemed. And oh, how it teemed.

—you’ll notice I use the word ‘so’ quite often. you’ll also most likely notice bad grammar and the overuse of commas and punctuation in my writing—so yea